The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
