Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
