I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
