It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you win again, gameday.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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