I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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