Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
