it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
