im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this will be a night to untag.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
