i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
