She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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