Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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