My balls are so social today.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
