whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
