you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
