Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
