Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
