I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
