Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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