If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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