your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
