My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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