I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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