she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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