I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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