I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm passing your future prison.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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