I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
