i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
