I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
