when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
