I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You dont lie about slip and slides
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
