I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
