have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
