Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
