I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just invented taco cereal.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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