Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
