the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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