i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
