I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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