Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
