My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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