you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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