I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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