Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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