im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
