I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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