maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
