just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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