we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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