I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Still dying that you shit outside
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
