She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
