Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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