dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
