when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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