I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
