whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
