O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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