If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can you bring me the toilet please
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
