Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
