I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
