this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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