Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
