You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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