Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im holly from the hills drunk
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
