How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
