If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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