I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
