You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
