The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
