my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
