So drunk its hurt
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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